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How to Improve Separation Anxiety In Babies and Children

Updated: Nov 1, 2024

Discover my top tips on dealing with separation anxiety whether you have a young child or school-aged children.


Every child will go through separation anxiety at some point in their lives but it usually starts around 7-8 months and then peaks again around 12-18 months. It usually coincides with 'object permanence' which is when your baby realises you continue to exist when you leave the room.


It's important to remember that whilst this can be a difficult time, it's also a positive sign of your child's cognitive and emotional development as well as having a healthy attachment to you. After working with countless young children who have struggled leaving their parents, as well as my own, I'm sharing my top tips.


Here are some great tips you will want to follow for saying goodbye to separation anxiety!


Tip #1 - Always say goodbye! No sneaking out


This is key to helping your little one build trust. The more they trust you won't disappear as soon as they aren't looking, the more they will be able to relax.



Tip #2 - Try and spend some quality time together each day.


Even 15 minutes or no distractions (including phones) is great for bonding time. Chat, read a book, play a card or board game or speak to them about something they are interested in.


Tip #3 - Play peekaboo or hide toys under blankets


This is aimed at the very small ones, around 6 months onwards. Start hiding toys under blankets or sensory scarves, helping them understand that although they can't see them any longer, they continue to exist.


Tip #4 - Predictable and consistent bedtime routines help them to understand exactly what to expect


If you continue to do the same thing each day, in the same order each day, it will become predictable. Predictable leads to less anxiety and feeling safe in knowing what happens next.


Tip #5 - Use a transitional item that smells of you


Leave them with your dressing gown or pillow or spray some of your perfume on their comforter.


Tip #6 - Practice leaving for short intervals when you can


Even for a very short period, being left alone with a close friend or grandparent can be good practice for when the real thing happens. Practice saying goodbye and perhaps increase the time away gradually.


Tip #7 - When at home, keep talking to baby as you leave the room during the day so they can hear you


If you're at this stage, just know that this is completely normal and natural stage of development. Keep talking/singing/humming so they can hear you and feel settled knowing you are close by.


Tip #8 - Once they have settled in, always keep goodbyes short and sweet


Say goodbye and leave and this will get easier. If you are hanging around or showing them that you are doubting yourself by leaving them, this will put seed of doubt into their mind too.


Tip #9 - Be confident and positive for them


Don't let them hear that you are sad about leaving them. Make it an exciting event and be positive.


Tip #10 - Acknowledge their anxieties and concerns


As much as you want to be positive, don't completely dismiss their concerns. If they are old enough, give them time to explain their worries. Acknowledge them, explain you understand how they feel and them draw on a positive.


Tip #11 - Use books


The Invisible String is a great book for helping children to visualise that you are always connected.


Tip #12 - Draw hearts on each others hands and rub when you want a cuddle


This is a lovely idea for pre-school/ school aged children to see the heart and use it as a reminder when they feel sad throughout the day.


Tip #13 - Focus on when you will see each other again


Talk about after-school pick up, what you will do that evening or how you can't wait to hear about their day


Remember this is a natural response for a child to feel, particularly when naviagating something new in their life. Follow the tips above or click here to book a free call to find out how I can help.


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